English is a Crazy Language

This articles might be just for fun.
It's quoted from QMT, May 2006/ Jumadil Awwal 1427. Vol2, No.3

English is a
Crazy Language
THERE IS NO EGG IN eggplant nor ham in
hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren’t invented in England or
French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies
while sweetbreads, which aren’’t sweet, are
meat.
We take English for granted. But if we explore
its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work
slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea
pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And
why is it that writers write but fingers don’t
fing, grocers don’’t groce and hammers don’t
ham?
If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the
plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese.
So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2
indices?
Doesn’’t it seem crazy that you can make
amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get
rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
If teachers taught, why didn’’t preachers
praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a
humanitarian eat?
Sometimes I think all the English speakers
should be committed to an asylum for the
verbally insane. In what language do people
recite at a play and play at a recital?
Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
Have noses that run and feet that smell?
How can a slim chance and a fat chance be
the same, while a wise man and a wise guy
are opposites?
You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a
language in which your house can burn up as
it burns down, in which you fill in a form by
filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by
going on.
English was invented by people,not computers,
and it reflects the creativity of the human
race(which,of course, isn’’t a race at all). That
is why, when the stars are out,they are visible,
but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
More Examples:
1. The bandage was wound around the
wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse
more refuse.
4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in
the desert.
7. Since there is no time like the present, he
thought it was time to present the present.
8. A bass was painted on the head of the
bass drum.
9. When shot at, the dove dove into the
bushes.
10. I did not object to the object.
11. I had to subject the subject to a series of
tests.
12. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
13. How can I intimate this to my most
intimate friend?
14. There was a row among the oarsmen about
how to row.
15. They were too close to the door to
close it.
16. The buck does funny things when the does
are present.
17. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a
sewer line.
18. To help with planting, the farmer taught his
sow to sow.
19. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
20. After a number of injections my jaw
got number.
21. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed
a tear.
22. Use water to water the plants.
23. Get the cook to cook.